I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
