my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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