Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize