that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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