Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
