Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize