i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
im six kinds of drunk right now
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
