im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
