it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
