Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I wish you could order shots online.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
