it glows. i had to have it.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
