You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
