So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
My hand turned me down
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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