I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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