I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
