I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
