two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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