i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
