oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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