I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
How's work?
Spinning.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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