why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
