We're facebook friends in real life
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
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