i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
