I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
