im about as happy as oj after his trial
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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