i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
