mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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