just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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