I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I need water and some morals
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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