oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
