"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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