dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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