if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
