I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
