Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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