just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
