so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
