If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
