I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
