ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
