I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
