Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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