i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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