I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
