dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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