Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
