DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i think i have herpe
just one?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
