i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
