You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
