It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
