Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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