eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize