I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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