6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
