Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
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if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
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Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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