I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Alive.
So much puke
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
