I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
