I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
