Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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