I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
