tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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