Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
