I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
