its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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