I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
