I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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