i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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