did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
they call him Oral-B. enough said
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
