I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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