I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
