my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Its about making memories worth repressing
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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