The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
