When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
