Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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