Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
