The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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