Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
