Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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