I wish they made helmets for livers.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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