Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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