I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
