How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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