Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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