i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
