i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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