I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Randomize
