i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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