someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
