Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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